Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation (2018) is a sharp, bleak portrait of dissociation that reminded me at different moments of Less Than Zero, Slaves of New York, and even a very dark, sedated version of Bridget Jones’s Diary. It’s a novel about a young woman trying to chemically erase herself, and a city that barely notices.
The unnamed narrator moves through early‑2000s Manhattan with a kind of anesthetized privilege. She gets an art‑gallery job not because she cares about art, but because she looks like someone who should be standing behind a white desk in black clothes. The gallery’s instructions — don’t show the price sheet too quickly, memorize the artists’ faces, no sleeping on the job — tell you everything about the ecosystem she’s drifting through. She’s valued for the silhouette she cuts, not for anything she thinks or feels.
Trevor, the on‑again/off‑again boyfriend, is a perfect example of that dynamic. He behaves like an early social‑media influencer before the platforms existed — someone who curates a lifestyle instead of a personality (or boundaries, or morals). Everything about him is surface: the parties, the vacations, the women he cycles through for validation. When the narrator calls him repeatedly threatening suicide in graphic, bloody terms, he leaves his girlfriend Claudia to come over — not out of concern, but because it fits his pattern of using women as emotional and sexual pit stops. She takes a cocktail of drugs, gets into bed naked fully expecting him to show up (or not), and regains consciousness while she’s giving him oral sex. He then drops off a DVD player as if he’s doing her a favor, announcing that VCRs are “on the way out.” He’s not malicious; he’s just shallow in a way that feels almost archetypal for that era. And the narrator accepts this treatment because she’s already dissociated from her own worth.
Dr. Tuttle, her psychiatrist, feels like she wandered in from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas — the spiritual cousin of Hunter S. Thompson’s “as your lawyer/as your doctor” companion who encourages every bad idea. She dispenses pills with crackpot confidence, and half the medications seem invented. It’s funny, but also unsettling: the narrator’s entire self‑destruction is enabled by someone who should be helping her, and instead treats her like a walking prescription pad.
Ping Xi, the artist who uses her unconscious body for a project, is one of the strangest and most revealing figures in the book. He exploits her, yes, but he also treats her with a sideways politeness — apologizing via sticky note for leaving a burrito wrapper in her apartment, buying her a white fox‑fur coat that must have cost a fortune. He sees her exactly the way the art world sees her: a beautiful cipher with more cultural capital than selfhood. She eventually gives the coat away, along with almost everything else she owns, as if shedding the identities other people keep trying to hand her.
Reva, her best friend, is the emotional counterweight. Reva is striving, anxious, constantly performing competence and friendliness. Her abandoned food and exercise journal — discovered after her mother’s death — is the saddest artifact in the book. It’s the inverse of the narrator’s pill‑counting: one woman trying to control her life into submission, the other trying to erase hers entirely.
Reading this, I kept thinking about people I’ve known who used pills or alcohol to check out — friends who believed they had “earned” the right to disappear for a weekend, or who drank their free time away because it felt safer than being present. The novel captures the fear underneath that impulse: the fear of feeling anything, the fear of being seen, the fear of being unworthy of love. The narrator’s dissociation isn’t glamorous or rebellious; it’s a defense mechanism that’s calcified into a worldview.
Her relationship to her parents is one of the most telling threads. She never names them, just as she never names herself. She keeps their house because it represents, in her mind, the idea that she was once loved — even though her mother was critical, controlling, and emotionally distant. She clings to the house as a symbol of a love she doesn’t actually believe she deserved. That sense of unworthiness runs under everything she does.
By the end, she’s more adrift than when she started. Her fixation on the footage of a woman falling from the World Trade Center — possibly Reva, possibly not — is macabre and telling. She projects a fantasy of “freedom” onto a moment that was pure terror. It’s dissociation dressed up as interpretation, a new obsession replacing the old ones. The experiment didn’t give her clarity; it just hollowed her out further.
Moshfegh’s writing is sharp and often darkly funny, and the psychological detail is precise. But the emotional arc left me cold — intentionally, I think, but still cold. The book is compelling, unsettling, and smart, and it’s also a near‑perfect illustration of anomie in the classical sense: a person cut loose from any real social or emotional structure, drifting through a world where modern consumer capitalism offers only surfaces, transactions, and distractions. The narrator’s dissociation isn’t just personal; it’s structural. It’s what happens when nothing around you feels meaningful enough to hold you in place. For me, a solid 3‑star read: memorable, well‑crafted, and deeply bleak, but not something I connected with beyond the intellectual and observational level.
REVIEW: My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh
RATING: 3-stars
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